Community Health = Contributing/Total

Last week a friend of mine fell and broke their jaw in three places. They spent three days in the hospital before getting surgery and having a “reverse-Bane-mask” (their words, not mine) put in to keep their jaw closed for the next four to six weeks.

When this happened the troops assembled. A friend that was with them when they fell ended up spending tremendous amounts of time with them over those three days. Entertaining, playing games, reading to them, helping navigate the hospital. Emily let others know what happened so they could come to the hospital and find our injured friend. Another person figured out what food they could eat so they could get a steady stream of smoothies heading their way.

Meanwhile, my friend’s father was balancing spending time with his child in the hospital with preparations for a 14-course meal for 20 people he was scheduled to put on the very next day. A few friends and I showed up at his house the morning of to clean, cook, organize and do whatever we could to help catch him up to where he normally would be in his prep.

His child got fixed up and has an amazingly good attitude about their injury. And his event went wonderfully.

I bring this all up because community is ____ing important.

A hypothesis I have about the health of a community is as follows;

The healthiest communities are the ones where the greatest number of community members actively contribute to that community.

Divide the number of people who regularly contribute by the total number of people in the community. The closer the resulting number is to 1 the healthier that community probably is.

Here’s some dials you’ll have to fine tune for your community in question.

- What qualifies as a contribution? - How often does someone need to contribute to be considered “regularly”?

For now we’ll assume that anyone who believes they are part of a community is part of that community. I don’t personally believe this, and I don’t know what I believe about it well enough to articulate it right here, right now. It’ll be for a future post.

I’ve been a part of “the dancing community” for a decade. I’ve started a venue, I’ve organized workshops, I’ve DJed nearly 1000 hours of music, I teach lessons. I’ve been around and yet, when I ask myself what qualifies as a contribution in the dance scene I don’t think it takes much. The minimum to qualify as a contribution, in my opinion, is to voluntarily dance with someone you don’t know. Be kind, have the best dance you can, and get their name.

The opposite is consumption. Show up, spend time with your friends, turn down any and all strangers, go home. Have your night for you. That’s alright to do sometimes. And a community that only consists of this type of behavior will not last. The husks of those who give and cannot give enough or will not give more will be all that remains if they haven’t left already.

There are so many ways to contribute to a dance event. I won’t attempt to rank order them. Just do something. Organize a carpool. Call friends who are undecided and help them come. Help the venue set up or tear down. Work the door. Become a DJ or instructor. Ask a wall-flower to dance. Walk someone to their car. Give constructive feedback to the host.

The time frame in which these contributions happen is important. Just as self-care is important. Take my example of dancing with someone you don’t know. If you do that the whole night you might miss your friends or not have any of the types of dances you want. How about one dance with one new person a night? A month? At what point does it become too long to contribute enough (a slippery word, that one) to the community itself? I struggle to say once a quarter.

Let’s do once a month. An example minimum contribution to a partner dance community is to voluntarily dance with someone you don’t know at least once a month.

Keep in mind that this minimum is being proposed in the context of the healthiest communities. It’s not like paying to attend a venue isn’t a contribution. Please and thank you. I’m talking about vitality. About health and resilience. If you’re a dancer tell me that this bar wouldn’t help spaces feel more welcoming or that you’ve never been positively surprised by a stranger when dancing.

A similar minimum can be used at my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu gym. Be the one who voluntarily does the class with the person whose been training for less than a month. Help them understand the movements. Don’t crush them. Coach them while you spar. You don’t always have to be the one to do this, and being available to do so helps the whole gym. You could also bring in new people, help clean the space, learn about people’s lives outside of the gym, organize a BBQ for gym members, get the latest instructional DVD and work on it with people.

My home regularly hosts events with an open door; potlucks, tea time, board game nights, community discussions, etc. We recently made a thank you celebration board where people's names get put up on a card that gets filled with stickers when the person does something awesome or helpful. Brought food to the potluck? Hell yeah, here’s a gold star. Did you just do all those dishes? We’ve got a dinosaur sticker with your name on it. These contributions aren’t required. And they are absolutely appreciated.

If we want things to be better then we have to be willing to go first. Maybe “go first” should be the minimum contribution for all communities. That’s a cultural shift that moves the needle towards resilience and health. Be the first to reach for someone else who is new to a space. Be the first to clear the table and load the dishwasher. Be the first to invite others out to lunch.

While going first may feel extra challenging it is the time where standards are most easily set which is why it is so important. If someone asks how you are you can give a real answer instead of a throw away, “I’m good”. That real answer can make it easier for the other person to engage on that level.

Communities are collections of people brought together around a common thing. The strength of the connections between those people impacts the strength of their community. The best way to strengthen those connections is to go first and contribute.

There’s a lot of nuances to be found here. What’s more, ask 10 different people what makes a community and you’ll get 10 different answers. What I want is to be a part of vibrant communities. I imagine you do as well. There are always ways for us to show up more and help our communities be better. We simply need the will to do so. Raise the bar for contributing to the communities you care about, walk the walk, and be the change you would love to see.